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Keep the kids focused and occupied with a useful chore.

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Step 1: Shut off your house’s main circuit breaker

Don’t listen to those haters who say social media can’t bring you real happiness.

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I put my pants on one leg at a time.

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First Prize: “Hunting at Night” by “Hollerin’” Hank Hennessy of Langley, Washington and his “Cluck of the Irish” white chicken chili

Second Prize: “Abstract Heckhole” by Kenny Wishbone of Mooresville, North Carolina and his hybrid black bean Cincinnati chili “Shazazmo!”

Third Prize: “Stuckey’s Napkin Manifesto” by Betty Van Specht of Huntington, West Virginia and her goat-based Texas-style chili “Chunky Chupacabra”

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The Immortal

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Andy Spain

Video editing/motion. Humor writing @ McSweeney’s, Weekly Humorist, Points in Case, et al. Debut novel CASH GRAB forthcoming this fall from Humorist Books.

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