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Keep the kids focused and occupied with a useful chore.

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Step 1: Shut off your house’s main circuit breaker

Step 2: Regale them with the story of the Darnell Family Fortune while you help the smaller kids tie their shoes

Don’t listen to those haters who say social media can’t bring you real happiness.

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I put my pants on one leg at a time.

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First Prize: “Hunting at Night” by “Hollerin’” Hank Hennessy of Langley, Washington and his “Cluck of the Irish” white chicken chili

Second Prize: “Abstract Heckhole” by Kenny Wishbone of Mooresville, North Carolina and his hybrid black bean Cincinnati chili “Shazazmo!”

Third Prize: “Stuckey’s Napkin Manifesto” by Betty Van Specht of Huntington, West Virginia and her goat-based Texas-style chili “Chunky Chupacabra”

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Photo by Maksym Kaharlytskyi on Unsplash

The Immortal

The School of Forking Paths

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Andy Spain

Video editing/motion. Humor writing @ McSweeney’s, Weekly Humorist, Points in Case, et al. Debut novel CASH GRAB forthcoming this fall from Humorist Books.

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