I’m Just Like Everyone Else

I put my pants on one leg at a time.

Photo by Joshua Woroniecki on Unsplash

Look, I’m just like everyone else — I put my pants on one leg at a time. And by the time I get to the twelfth pant leg, I usually have to switch on my Gravity Girdle™ so the temporal distortion field doesn’t make my pants slide back down when I try to pull up the hard-to-reach rear pant legs. While I sit in my concrete ionization chamber and wait for the…